Self-harm can be difficult to understand. Many self-harmers say that they don't fully understand it themselves, so how can anyone else?

Imagine you've had a terrible day. You've been overworked and you didn't get your breaks as usual. Your boss/teacher has shouted at you all day. You have been humiliated in front of others. Perhaps it was your fault, perhaps it wasn't. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you have come home feeling angry, tired, confused, bitter and beweildered. There are so many feelings whizzing around your head that it's impossible to deal with them all. You don't even know where to start. You just want to curl up into a ball and hide away, but you have to cook the dinner/do your homework/wash the kids' clothes/clean the bathroom. So to help you get back in control, you do something. For some, it will be to pour a glass of wine. For others, a half hour sit down on the sofa. Perhaps you listen to music or watch a comedy show. Whatever it is, it relaxes you and helps you to get on with your chores.

For some people, it's self-harm. And it's not weird or disgusting: it's just what works for them. It is NOT a suicide attempt. It is a coping method.

Of course, self-harm is not a very positive way of dealing with these emotions. Instead of working through them, it covers them up; papers over the cracks. But the cracks are still there underneath.

Self-harm is addictive. This doesn't mean that everyone who does it is addicted; but it does mean that if you find it's the only way you can get through your life, then it's very hard to give up. And, as many self-harmers would argue, why is it a problem if you're not hurting anyone else?

The answer is it's a problem because it's hurting you. Like drugs, it gives you a temporary high, but you have to come down sometime. And when you do, the same problems are still there.

Most self-harmers know that what they're doing isn't constructive. But many are too scared to give it up. It's familiar; they know it works. How can they get through the day/week/month without it?

The good news is it doesn't have to be forever. There are other ways of coping. And thanks to the internet there are hundreds of helpful resources at hand. The best one is selfharm.net
It was set up by an ex-self-harmer and it is packed with helpful information, along with practical resources and book reviews.

If you are in the UK there is another excellent site called FirstSigns at www.selfinjury.org.uk It provides information about National Self-Injury Awareness Day and sells wristbands, along with updates about media articles and items on self-harm. The site has grown considerably since it was set up in 2002 and also contains valuable resources for those working with self-harmers.

The National Institute for Clinical Excellence (NICE) published a report on Young People and Self Harm in 2008. It was the result of two years' collation of information, much of it contributed by self-harmers. You can find the report at www.selfharmuk.org/

If you are aged 13-19 then you might find www.connexions-direct.com/ helpful.

For a list of common misconceptions about self-harm, look at www.nshn.co.uk/facts.html

For further resources on self-harm go to www.siari.co.uk/

For a personal site set up by an ex-self-harmer who was bullied at school, go to stampoutbullying.tripod.com/

For further help and advice, check out the following sites:
www.sane.org.uk/
www.mind.org.uk/
www.samaritans.org.uk/
www.childline.org.uk/
www.youngminds.org.uk/

Please remember when visiting these sites, that if you are a self-harmer you must keep yourself safe. Be aware that sometimes these places can be triggering.